Hull City Mad

TM: "Sorry to bring it up now Marc but have you got that fiver I lent you last season?" MAF: "Sure boss, I'll get it to you in the next 48 hours..." TM: [sigh]

MISS FORTUNE
Marc-Antoine Fortuné heads for glamorous Glasgow instead of hedonistic Hull, and Michael Owen was swayed by Manchester United's promise of more Carling Cup appearances than City could offer him.

The Hull Daily Mail helpfully drew up a list of potential city signings, before declaring that half of them were non-starters and the club had no interest in signing them. At least it fills a page up though, eh?

WHAT THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR
There was also the usual mangling of fixtures from Murdoch and co in Sky towers. The end result, we get the chance to lay a marker down to the rest of the country in the opening game of the season. Cue an early drive down to the big smoke or a Friday night out up west. I know which one I prefer.

ATTENTION PASSHOLDERS IN ROW Z
In keeping with the apparent transfer policy this close-season, City were linked with another non goal-scoring striker - Bobby Zamora. The first time I remember seeing Zamora was when he played for Brighton at Boothferry Park, setting up one for Paul Rogers. Guess who scored the other... Matt Wicks (yep, that one). Anyway, Zamora would be an excellent foil for Campbell if the little git will ever sign on the dotted line.

THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR FRENCHMAN
The players reported back for pre season, which involved running on a treadmill at Hull Uni. Mendy decided it was too hot to wear gloves, ruining the bet I had that he didn't actually have hands and was some sort of bionic man - which would account for both his lack of common sense and ridiculous speed.

IF IT'S NOT GNOMES...
Yours to own for just £25.99, a 1/76 Corgi replica model of the tiger-painted EYMS bus. It's the latest in a series of miniature merchandise items, with a line of Paul Wharton's and Clint Marcelle's also going on sale. Sorry, that shouldn't have been plural. Paul Wharton and Clint Marcelle, free to a good home.

NEXT WEEK...
Fraizer Campbell returns from holiday and offers to join whichever of his suitors that sits the longest through his holiday snaps slideshow. Steve Bruce and, er, whoever's managing Newcastle, had failed to reckon with the master of tan - Phil Brown gets his man!