How about this for a coincidence? On Saturday Decemember 5th, Lovefilm sent me the DVD of Aston Villa: The best of The Big Match. We went to Villa that day and lost 3-0. On Saturday February 20th, Lovefilm sent me the DVD of West Ham United: The best of The Big Match. You know the rest.
I’m canceling Lovefilm.
Upton Park was the scene of one of our worst away trips of last season, a tame 2-0 loss and the awful injury suffered by Jimmy Bullard. Today was worse. City were second best for the most part and ended the game with 8 ½ players and another -3 on our goal difference. Oh, and most importantly, no points.
Amr Zaki replaced Jozy Altidore in the only change from the game at Blackburn, George Boateng’s red card having been rightly but surprisingly over-turned. Whatever Game Plan City had went out of the window within 3 minutes, unless the game plan actually was to gift them an early goal and then stand around and watch them play through us for half an hour. Bo Myhill had already made one decent save from Diamanti who tried to sneak a free-kick in at his near post when everyone was expecting a cross when he picked up a through ball and, as many people keep harping on at him to do, threw the ball out quickly to Andy Dawson. Daws took 16 touches to get the ball under control and then rolled it into Cairney who had Behrami in very close attendance. Behrami robbed our young midfielder, played the ball into Parker on the edge of the box and his poor touch served as a perfect pass back to Behrami who buried it. Dawson was poor all afternoon, dithering, poor positionally and caught easily in possession. He was sporting a pair of ridiculous white boots. I hope he spends his Sunday burning them and replacing them with something more appropriate. Ballet slippers perhaps?
We struggled to recover from that early blow. Everyone looked tentative and we squandered what little possession we had while West Ham were able to play through us far too easily. Scott Parker dominated the middle of the park, Carlton Cole bullied our centre halves and the excellent Franco, Behrami and Diamanti played somewhere in between, winning every duel with consummate ease. Zaki and Hesselink were isolate and Hunt and Fagan barely involved. Despite Boateng putting in the work of three men again, we were still over-run very, very easily. Myhill made another stop at his near post after Behrami had robbed Dawson again and held a shot from distance as our lot stood smoking cigars, having a cup of tea and a chat and invited Scott Parker to have a go at goal. Myhill then made superb stop #3 from Behrami. Diamanti gave Paul McShane a good look at the back of his shirt and raced to the bye line to cross the ball deep. Behrami arrived at the far post to head the ball in but Myhill sprinted across goal and from behind his goal line stuck out a strong right hand and deflected the ball away from goal. Like some of his stops at Spurs last month, it was breathtaking.
Our only threat had been a tame header from Hesselink, latching on to a well delivered free-kick but after the latest scare, we started to wake up. What was deeply frustrating was the amount of trouble we caused West Ham without playing well at all. It was sheer persistence that dragged us back into the game. We started to put in tackles and fought for the ball high up the pitch. Zaki spent the majority of the half throwing himself on the floor and looking hopefully at the referee. Dean Windass he ain’t. However, when he wasn’t cheating, he showed his worth, competing for the ball, winning it off their defenders against the odds and getting it wide for Fagan to waste. It took very little effort from us to put West ham’s shaky defence under pressure and we ended the first half on top. We handed troubled Rob Green much, too many crosses delivered straight into his arms or onto Upson’s head and only a few harmless shots. That changed right on half time as Boateng collected a clearance, drove into the box, shimmied right and then left and hit a pile-driver that the sometime England goalkeeper tipped over the crossbar. A wonderful effort matched by the save.
Phil Brown obviously had plenty to say at half time because we came out looking the hungrier outfit. We had the better of the possession and looked like building some momentum. Cairney started to get on the ball and we got Fagan and Hunt into better areas. It was from one of these areas that the game turned completely in West ham’s favour. Fagan had been booked in the first half. He picked up the ball wide on the right, stupidly turned into trouble and lost the ball to Diamanti and then even more stupidly, pulled him back as he ran away with the ball. That our feckless winger had the nerve to argue with the referee’s decision was utterly astounding. It was a self-inflicted dismissal that left his team mates in a hell of a mess. I hope he’s utterly ashamed of himself.
I would have sent on Garcia for Hesselink and gone 4-4-1 to try and hang on while West Ham threw what they had at us and then changed it late on to see if we could nick a point. We left it as it was, a lopsided 4-3-2, and a second goal was inevitable. It was another poor goal as a long, low ball through beat our entire defence and left Carlton Cole to score a goal his performance deserved. There was more bad news to come ad Andy Dawson took a knock to his knee making a crunching tackle and spent the last 20 minutes limping while Anthony Gardner went down and left the pitch on a stretcher with 10 left to play, leaving us with 9 men. I didn’t see what happened to him but it must have been fairly innocuous. Given his injury record, I’d be surprised if it doesn’t end his season. The last 20 minutes, fortunately for us turned into a parade. We sent on Oily, Altidore and Barmby in a triple switch for Zaki, Hunt and Cairney. It didn’t change the direction of the game at all. Barmby worked hard and Altidore tried to put himself about but we finished the game like we’d started it. A bunch of strangers working alone and watching West Ham play football. They were more interested in making substitutions and taking it easily, so we got away with 3-0. The right back Faubert cut inside to crash a shot past Myhill deep into stoppage time.
We can’t claim to have deserved any more. Our bright periods were few and far between. The other 17 will feel let down by Fagan, as did the entire band of traveling fans (minus one idiot who tried to get a chant of “You’ve only got 12 men” going after the dismissal) but too many of them didn’t turn up either. McShane and Dawson were roasted easily and poor in possession. Mouyokolo and Gardner were dominated by Cole and had no idea how to pick up Franco. Cairney looked every bit of the raw 19 year old that he is. Hunt wasn’t in the game at all, Hesselink looked immobile and isolated and Zaki worked as hard as his fitness will allow him but spent too much time trying to con something and not enough trying to earn something.
Two weeks ago, our prospects looked quite rosy after two impressive home performances. It doesn’t take long for the worm to turn. We’ve followed them up with two poor efforts on the road. Our away form in the past 13 months is utterly embarrassing. What is seriously worrying is the fact that we now have only two games in four weeks and they are away to Everton and at home to Arsenal. Meanwhile, our relegation rivals all have winnable games, mostly against each other. Looking at the fixtures, I’d be surprised if Burnley, Wolves, Wigan and Bolton don’t pick up between 3 and 6 points each in the next 4 weeks while our next point looks a long way off. By the time we go to Portsmouth, assuming they still exist, on March 20th our future could look pretty bleak. For all that’s happened in the last 5 months, we’re back in the exact same position. Looking likely to succumb to relegation and desperately hoping Jimmy Bullard will come back and save our bacon.
It’s going to be a rough ride, I feel. Fasten your seatbelts.
Ratings: Myhill 8, McShane 6, Dawson 5, Gardner 6, Mouyokolo 6, Fagan 2, Hunt 5 (Olofinjana), Boateng 7, Cairney 6 (Barmby), Hesselink 6, Zaki 7 (Altidore).